mix feelings.

talk about happy things first. i'm really glad that munling got things sort out and i seriously hope that she will be a happy girl after today. she's my best friend and i love her so much that i dun wish to see her getting hurt again. misery eventually has to come to an end.

well, there're some things in life that are hard to let go (i have to admit and agree to this) but nevertheless, we have to learn to do so. but it's always easier to be said than done.

actually, the unhappy things that are revolving aound me recently and made me suffocate are partly because of this. i find myself unable to let go of some things in life- the trainings i used to have where i get to chat with my MJC friends, the counter staff, and some other friends from other schools; cheryl and yb who are the few that are closest to me in AJ shooting club are also busy with their own studies and i rarely get to chat with them as they didnt do well in mid-years and are catching up; and now, i'm going to face the same problem in my voluntary work where everyone's going to leave because prelims is drawing near and people cannot commit their time to it anymore. i feel like i've lost almost everything that is worthwhile to me. i can remember all these chatting sessions, the way i disturb the others while they were training at SAFRA and all the laughters i had. yet, all these are gone.. forever.. when i return to SAFRA, trying to search for these moment, i cant. the atmosphere is so different now. i could hardly recognised. i tried telling some of my good friends about it, pouring out everything, hoping that i'll feel less miserable, but it doesn't seem to work. because of this, i'd cried a few days ago. what steven said is right--it is because of an accumulation of unhappy things that happened which made me so sad.. and this words trigger my tears. RAH!

stress is also accumulating. i felt really stress whenever people around me (especially yonghui) kept on reminding on the number of weeks left to prelims. revision has already started yet i'm still stuck at unfinished homework.

my appetite is really bad recently. i feel hungry, but i don't wish to eat and my mum has been scolding me for it. i know she's just worry but i seriously got no appetite.

i got an urge to tell jasmine about all these. just pour out everything at her, cry and let her console me. although she's younger than me, but i find her the best candidate to listen to my problem. i guess it is because of her always being there for me and giving me valuable advice through trainings and competitions. but, i'm also quite relunctant to tell her about all these as i do not want to trouble her.

at this moment, i'm crying again.. i feel more than miserable. i think words cannot describe how bad i felt and i guess noone can ever understand the pain within me.

agony..